First of all, what is a high value woman in dating?
She is a woman who knows very well who she is and what she wants.
She loves herself fiercely, she has got a ton of self-worth and she only accepts in her life and her energy people that matches that love and who makes her feel great.
She is feminine, open and soft, but she has a strong masculine energy too that helps her balance her life.
In dating and relationships, she wants a high value man. A man who also knows who he is, who lives in integrity, respects and knows how to treat a woman.
A man who has a strong masculine energy, an open heart and is a provider. A man who wants a strong feminine and high value woman by his side.
Together they can conquer the world and create a container of high vibrational energy, being a magnet for abundance and living their best life together.
So, knowing who you are and what kind of man and partner you want is great, but how do you navigate the world of online dating apps, when they are often full of scammers, f***boys, users, narcissists and liars?
Sometimes trying to find a high quality man on a dating app can feel like trying to find a Chanel bag at the dollar store!
The trick is to have a laser sharp focus on what you want and properly vet the men you meet, so you weed out the bad quality men along the way and make space for the high quality ones.
So, here are some top tips to do just that:
1. Believe what you want exists and is real
Before you meet high value men, you have to believe they exist.
Many women are sceptical about this, or they believe all high value men are already taken, or are only a few out there.
That is nothing more than a scarcity mindset belief! You need to change your mindset into an abundance mindset. You need to believe there are many high value single men out there wanting to meet you.
And amongst those men, there is the right one for you.
Yes sometimes he might be a bit different than expected, and that is why you have keep an open mind and heart and get out of your comfort zone.
But above all, you have to believe he exists. Read success stories of women who met the love of their lives, talk to them, ask them questions.
Embrace that energy, instead of complaining with bitter and frustrated single women.
2. Focus on what you want
As with anything in life, you get what you focus on.
A successful athlete or business owner does not waste time thinking about losing or the things they don’t want to happen.
They have a laser sharp focus on what they want to achieve and how they want to feel.
The same principle applies to online dating.
Write a list of what you want in a life partner. How he looks like, his values, his goals, where he lives, what does he do, etc. Visualize yourself with him and let yourself feel all the good emotions of being with him.
This is what you should focus on. When you find yourself starting to focus on what you don’t want, stop yourself and go back to what you want. Do this over and over again to re-train your brain and your mindset.
3. Have fierce boundaries
If there’s one thing that all low quality men hate is boundaries.
Having boundaries communicates to the wrong guys that you love yourself and do not tolerate any bulls*** or disrespect, so they will make you a favour by quickly moving along and not wasting your time.
On the other hand, a high quality man will love that you have boundaries because he is looking for a woman who values herself.
So, having boundaries when doing online dating means you do not accept anything that is disrespectful, abusive, or too much too soon without any effort to gain your trust first.
That means saying no to low value behaviour such as:
– Requests for a first date at their home
– Asking to add them on your social media after exchanging only a few messages online (this can even be dangerous)
– Asking for your phone number after exchanging only a few messages online, saying they don’t come much to the dating app and prefer to talk on WhatsApp or other app
– Asking you too many questions and details about your life or past relationships when you never met then in person
– Too much chitchat and no concrete plans for a proper in person date
– Asking for cheap and boring first dates, like a coffee date at the boring coffee shop (cheap serial daters and f***boys do this, high quality men make a real effort for a proper first date)
– Asking you for money or any kind of help
– Asking you to send them nudes or any sexual comment or innuendos (low low low value!)
– Anything that makes you cringe, feel bad, is too much, or just plain disrespectful
Some of this kind of behaviour requires an immediate block and delete, others you might just want to sit back and see their reaction when you state your boundaries.
For example, if they ask for your phone number too soon, you might respond you prefer to talk on the app for now, and see how they react.
Do they respect your boundaries and continue to wanting to know you, or they just stop talking?
If so, they just weed themselves out. If they don’t respect something so simple so early on, that’s a bad sign of bad things to come, so good riddance!
4. Trust your intuition!
If there is some piece of advice that is key in dating (in all things in life really), is to listen to and trust your intuition at all times.
There are tons of dating books and coaching advice to women that tells you to only text at certain times, or accept a date immediately, etc.
The truth is, there isn’t a one size fits all dating strategy that works for every woman and in every dating scenario.
The best thing you can do is to be in touch with your intuition and see how things make you FEEL.
Remember, as with everything else in life, dating should be a positive experience and should make you feel good.
A healthy positive dating experience (and a relationship) should be of two emotionally healthy and open people, committed to the dating process. Things should flow naturally and effortlessly.
Of course life happens, but a man who is interested in you and has integrity (as in no playing silly games), follows up on plans, calls when he says he will, makes sure you know he is interested, treats you with respect.
Anything that is not like that (men who spend days saying nothing, you don’t know what he wants or if you’ll see him again, is flaky, doesn’t follow up or make plans, etc), and makes you feel bad about the whole thing, discard and move on.
Many times women who are insecure about themselves or have a low sense of self-worth will tend to make excuses for men’s less than acceptable behaviour.
They will say he is busy, he is travelling, he is taking some time and space, etc. The truth is, a high value man who wants you makes sure you know it. He won’t leave time and space for another man to come and get you.
So, trust your intuition that tells you when something is off and your deserve much better and act accordingly.
5. Choose better instead of bitter
Your mindset has to remain positive at all times.
With all the trash that someone finds online, is easy to get frustrated and start responding in a bitter way or even lash out at guys. Avoid that at all costs!
If you are triggered by disrespectful behaviour, try to check with yourself why. Did you accept that kind of behaviour in the past and need to forgive yourself?
Please know that other people’s behaviour has nothing to do with you. They are not being disrespectful or abusive to you, they are doing that to themselves and to whom lets them. Not you.
So you are going to choose better instead of bitter. You just acknowledge that behaviour and say no. Either by blocking and deleting them, or just say something classy like “I don’t think we are a match” and move on.
This way you stay in your high value energy, you don’t give your power away to them and you don’t go down to their level.
You also keep your positive energy. If you feel triggered, get out of the app and go do something that makes you feel good to take your mind off it.
If you believe in the Law of Attraction, you know that we manifest what we give attention to. When you calmly say no without emotion, you are saying to the Universe this is not what you want, and you continue to feel good and focusing on what is that you want, making space for it.
This also applies to conversations with other women either in person with friends, or on dating groups on Facebook, etc, where you talk about negative dating experiences in a negative way, saying there are no good men available, no hope, etc.
That can also make you feel bitter and angry, and then you take that energy with you when dating.
So, be discerning of whom you surround yourself with and choose better instead of bitter!
6. Talk on the phone or video chat before meeting
High value women are busy living their best lives: with work or running their businesses, with their kids, taking care and pampering themselves, travelling, etc. They don’t have time to do serial dating and “hoping you two click”.
You only go on a date when you already have an idea of how the other person is, if the communication flows, if there is some empathy, etc.
That is why it is important to do a video call before meeting in person, or at least a phone call. This should be the next step after matching and messaging, and many dating apps offer these features.
It will also helps making you feel more comfortable when meeting in person, especially if you do the video chat. You already know exactly how he looks like and sounds like, and don’t have to go to the first date wondering about all that.
7. Ask important questions
Many women are affraid of asking important questions, like what are their intentions on the app, or their marital status. And many dating coaches advise against doing this because they might nor tell you the truth.
But, truth is, many men do tell you the truth. They do tell you they are just looking for some fun and nothing serious, or that they are married or just separated yesterday.
But, many don’t tell you if you don’t ask.
Not in an inquisitive way, or immediately after starting to talk, but during the conversation and especially before meeting in person, ask them the questions you need to know before agreeing to meet.
8. Be your amazing feminine self, but balance your masculine energy
We all have both feminine and masculine energies in us. And that happens for a reason.
Nowadays there is a trend going on saying that women need to be in their feminine energy in order to attract a masculine high value man.
A woman in her feminine energy has an open heart, is open to receive, is light and fun and is a major asset in a man’s life.
But what that trend very often ignores (and many dating coaches ignore) is that you need to balance your masculine energy too. Not ignore it, balance it.
You don’t have to get rid of your masculine energy in order to live a happy life, on the contrary. You have to be smart and honour it because is it in you with a purpose.
Your masculine energy is what makes you take action in your life, run your own business, taking care of your children, running errands, taking decisions, and even install and use a dating app!
Your masculine energy is also present in a very specific time: when is time to protect you.
Masculine energy is the energy of action: providing, pursuing and protecting.
So, when you are with a masculine man who is healthy and balanced in his own energies, that makes you feel open and very feminine.
But when you find a man who is not, and is disrespectful and doesn’t treat you right, your very own masculine energy comes up trying to protect you. The trick is to recognize this.
Feeling your very own masculine energy of protection next to a man (even online), is a big NO sign.
It is a sign for you to put your boundaries or just run the other way.
So, don’t be afraid of your own masculine energy, and don’t suppress or ignore it.
A masculine man who has his own feminine energy balanced is a man who has an open heart and is connected to his emotions, but is still leading with his masculine energy.
That is when you know you have a perfect match: when he makes you feel feminine, and you make him feel masculine.
Be safe and enjoy the journey of online dating. It is also a journey for you to know yourself better and evolve.
All these tips also apply to in real life dating. Make sure you also get out of the house, do some freestyle dating and pay attention to men around you everywhere you go! Have fun!